The perils of shopping.

This afternoon, I went window shopping with my best friend in Bicester Village . For anyone who doesn't know about Bicester, it's basically a designer outlet 'village' where a good number of high end designers sell their last season/slightly less than perfect goods for discounted prices. It's about 20 minutes from home so it seemed like a good plan for her last day visiting me and my last day at home before going back to university. The sun was shining, my make up was perfect and I made clever food decisions whilst I was out. So far, so good.

After going into French Connection, this is the conversation that we had:

Sarah: How do you do it?
Me: Do what?
Sarah: Being in designer outlets even makes me feel large.

I thought about this statement for a minute and then said that it was actually easier for me to be in designer shops where I couldn't AFFORD an item, even if I wanted it, than for me to go into a high street shop with my slim friends. Sarah asked why that is and I've given some thought to that over the rest of the day. I suppose it's simply a case of, because designer shops are unattainable on a monetary basis I forget about the un-attainability from my size. When I go into H&M or Topshop and see all of my friends easily picking up an item they like, finding their size and trying it on the feeling of being unable to follow suit is more pronounced. It also comes from an issue of feeling guilty dragging my friends into the (few) plus size high street shops. This has more to do with my own sense of being different and not wanting to enforce my feelings on others but I can't be alone in feeling like this.

I have noticed that people who shop in designer outlets can appear more judgemental than those on the high street but this could be equally noticed by any person who doesn't have the money or simply doesn't fit a 'designer' silhouette. On the high street though, where the 'normal people' are, it's easier to feel abnormal. It is so unsettling being the only one of your friends who is unable to find anything that looks even slightly good on. Plus size designers, in my opinion, should (most of the time) be shot. It's like they simply look at the average clothing sizes and rank it up in measurements. Often times that simply doesn't work and it leaves you looking stupid where you just want to fit in with the things your friends are wearing. I have had occasions where I will walk into a plus size shop and try on countless things in various sizes only for all of them to look 'wrong' in some way. Too big around the bust, too tight around the stomach, straps too wide/not wide enough, neckline makes boobs look saggy. All of which does nothing for one's self esteem.

I have gotten to the point now where I dread clothes shopping. I generally assume that I won't find something that fits me right and would rather leave empty handed than look like I'm making a poor effort at a particular style. As someone who has always been seen to have a good dress sense it makes you feel like you're less of a person. I can bang on about wanting to be an individual until I'm blue in the face but I cannot deny that there is just a wish to be a 'normal' person, who can do things that normal people do. Until plus size designers and those responsible for producing bigger sizes in normal shops learn better, that just doesn't feel attainable at a larger size.