So far, being back at university hasn't been so very difficult. True, I can't necessarily be certain of how something has been cooked or often how much of something is in a particular dish, but I've been ticking along gently, guesstimating where I can and being very precise in the areas where I have the opportunity. In addition to that my activity levels have increased again as a result of the more active life I lead as a university student. There are always things to be done and people to see so, in general, I move an awful lot more than I did when I was at home.
That being said, as I come up to my first university weigh-in, I've realised I'm scared. I'm worried that I've not measured properly, that I've not had the facility to track things and most critically, I feel as though certain things simply have not been within my control. It is a massive adjustment, coming from home where I can measure every little thing that goes into every thing I eat to having someone produce food for me on a large scale where I'm often left wondering 'what have I just eaten?!' I've talked about strategies in the past for how to cope when things are outside of your control but that simply doesn't change the fact that some things will ALWAYS be out of your control. I suppose the best way I can describe this is to going out to eat every night. You can make sensible choices in ordering and in portioning out how much you want to eat but you're still left with some 'mystery' there and this can make me feel slightly uncomfortable.
By this evening I will know one way or another of whether what I've been doing at university has been working or not. I need to remember now that I cannot allow any bad weeks (and I'm not saying this has been a bad week-my fruit and veg consumption has been great. I've eaten breakfast every day, I drink enough water and I've still managed to live my life and get my sushi fix) to pull this down. I don't want to get to the point where I 'treat' myself for a good week and 'punish' myself for a bad week. Incidentally, the treat and punishment (in the past) have often been the same things. Milk Chocolate cornflake treats...by the box load. I have to remember that this is a learning experience, that I will not be living in halls forever and that any tribulations will pass.
I'm bringing this up here because I feel like this is the first week on the current plan where I've struggled. It all just seems that much more difficult now than it ever did at home. My goal this week is simply to get to that 23 stone 4 lb mark. I want to have lost the first half a stone. Any extra is a bonus. I wouldn't be surprised if I stayed the same but I absolutely do not want to gain. At the current stage in my program, gaining would be severely detrimental to my self belief. I know this. It doesn't mean that I won't try to pick myself back up and continue on, just I fear I'd do so with a little less vigour than in recent weeks.
I fear that I'm just complaining for nothing, but this blog is here for me to voice my thoughts: both positive and negative. I know that I am not alone in feeling this way and if anyone else resonates with this, then I've achieved something. Weight loss is a difficult thing. People don't always understand and everyone is different. It's this limbo stage that starts to cause panic. I need only wait 7 hours to get confirmation either way. I suppose, as always, until then.
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