What doesn't challenge you, won't change you.

This week in my life (there I go sounding like Miranda) I have had a few challenges. One not so good- my weight stayed the same- and one good - I ran (jogged/walked/nearly crawled: if we're being specific) a 5 kilometre Race for Life. Here is my report of these challenges:

Not losing any weight for me this week has been annoying. Not frustrating, just plain annoying. The kind of annoyed you get when a bug is chasing you from room to room or a small child has been given an ice cream and sticky fingers are being created and threaten to touch EVERYTHING you own... And I'll tell you why. I was SO BLOODY GOOD last week. I went to the gym 4 times, one with my personal trainer Jemma who I love, and the others using the program she designed for me. I ate clean, healthy food up to but NOT ONCE over my daily allowance and had snacks of fresh fruit and veg and water, water, water. I'm three pounds away from my mini goal of having lost 2 stone and 8 pounds away from reaching my 10% weight loss goal. All in all, I was expecting good things, or in the very least SOMETHING that showed how hard I'd worked. Basically, staying the same was not what I expected. So I was more than a little confused by this turn of events. Cue a mini mope and a bit of a rant in my meeting where I complained about how unfair it was as this was pretty much the first time that I'd done absolutely everything right and didn't see any results. After that I went home and got back to business.

Cue a change of perspective this past Sunday. At 8am I woke, dressed and breakfasted (poached egg, toast with butter and cup of tea). I pinned on my race number (lucky 4114 apparently) and my inspirational note declaring that 'I race for life for you, me and everyone. Sod off cancer'. I grabbed my water bottle, iPod and headphones and headed to the Bristol downs. I got there stupidly early because apparently I can't tell the difference between 10am and 11am... so decided to chill out in the shade beneath a tree before all of the warm ups began. 'Getting in the zone' so to speak. At 10:30 We all got called to the main stage area for a warm up led by an 81 year old lady who was running her 15th Race for Life. Basically, everything is designed to be super inspirational. Finally at quarter to 11 we were put into our stages: runners first, joggers (the group I went in to) second and walkers/dancers at the back. Music in, Ke$ha on and by 11:08 I crossed the starting line at a gentle jog. The mantra I'd told myself before I started was simple: You WILL finish this. This wasn't the first Race for Life I've done but it is the first I've run by myself. This was the first time on exercise IN MY LIFE that I have ever had to self motivate myself to attain a specific goal-5K. And that self motivation, was not easy. When I ran it with Sarah, I don't remember feeling like we were exercising. The kilometres seemed to just slip away. I remind myself now that I was 2.5 stone lighter than I currently am and the fittest I'd ever been. This time, the kilometres seemed unending. Every time I was certain I was going to turn a corner and see the next km mark I was wrong. And it was at least another minute or two before that mark came up. I jogged the first three km before realising that my pedometer had disappeared. Victim to one of the feet in the crowd-I'll never know how many steps I took that day. Oh well. After that third km the sun was baking down and my pace slowed considerably. But I was over half way. New mantra : YOU WILL FINISH THIS, YOU WILL NOT DIE. I started thinking at this point less about myself. I started to take in the other women. This was the first 'race' I'd ever run where I didn't feel like I was going to be the last to cross the line, or like if I WAS I'd be seen as inferior to all of these people watching. All there was was support. Support for the racers, support for family members in remission, support for the 1 in 3 of us who will get some kind of cancer in our lives. I doubt, at this stage in my running career, I could have run a 5k without feeling like I was doing something for a cause bigger than myself and it was finally summed up to me when I saw a woman, clearly with cancer or just in remission, standing at the race side shouting and clapping and pushing us on, up, higher, faster, better. I was about 500m from the finish line and completely exhausted but this woman reminded me of so much more than the ache in my feet or legs.

She reminded me of why I'm doing this. Whilst I am currently an incredibly healthy woman (I've had the health checks, I'm bang on for EVERYTHING) there could come a time in my life when I'm not. And, chances are, if I continued as I had been this would have almost certainly been weight related. Either I'd get diabetes, cancer or heart problems or I'd suffer worse and worse joint problems as a result of the weight they must bear. I could be lucky, but equally I could not. I won't lie, I'm also doing it because if I was a healthy weight, I'd be hot. Like, lock up your sons, Femme Fatale kinda hot. But I digress. I was running it for a cure to a disease I or people I love may get but I was running it because one day, I may not be able to. I was running it so that next year and the year after and the year after I will progress and this will be a part of my life. And as I crossed the finish line, saw three of my best friends in the world and got my medal I vowed that not only would I beat my 54 minute time next year but I would make this a part of my life for good. Because I never again want to be in the stage where I couldn't walk half that let alone get any reasonable time and I always want to do my bit for the causes I believe in.

Me, pre-Race for Life

Together we will beat cancer, but only I can change myself. And I'm okay with that.