A change in perception

A common issue when losing weight is simply how you (the person losing the weight) perceive yourself. This isn't about negative vs. positive mental attitude this is a genuine issue of how you see yourself in the mirror. You will have lost a stone, two stone,  50 lbs, 125 lbs and yet, when you look in the mirror you still just see you. It's almost impossible to see the changes, despite the fact that you rationally know they're there. You wear different size clothing, you take up less space and people constantly tell you 'wow, you look amazing. I can't believe how much you've lost!' Well, I have to tell you nearly 2 stone lighter I can't believe how much I've lost because I look in the mirror and I look pretty much the same.

The reason that I came to write this today in part came from watching 'Secret Eaters' last night. This show follows around a group of people, usually a family or housemates, and tracks what they eat. They usually come in saying 'I just don't know why I keep gaining weight!' and with the help of secret cameras and private investigators the team work out where the extra calories are coming from. But I digress, last night there was a gentleman who started off at over 29 stone. My first comment was that he didn't look 29 stone but then you realised how tall he was and it made sense. By the end of the program and a 10 week nutritional upheaval he was in the 26 stone mark. The presenter dutifully drilled him to ask how much of a difference it had made and he replied he felt great but couldn't 'see' the difference when he looks at himself in the mirror. She was shocked, borderline horrified even that he couldn't see how much change had come about. And I sat there with my all knowing Yoda hat on thinking, 'I wonder when I'll start to notice a genuine change'. I can feel differences. I can feel the shape of my skull more (weird...) can feel the muscles in my arms and legs more, and can feel the all important collar bones (I'm slightly obsessed with female collar bones, I think that they're beautiful and delicate). That being said I look in the mirror and I look the same. Until today...

I went to the gym (I do that now, dontcha know) and afterwards I was looking at myself in the mirror as I brushed my hair and my arms looked smaller. I had a bit of a double take and I'm sure to the other women in the changing room I looked ridiculous as I just stared at my arms raised above my head and saw that they'd shrunk...when did that happen?!

To me, the number on the scale can often be enough to keep me going. If I see it going down, even if I can't 'see' it on myself, then it's going down and therefore, I must be taking up less space. That being said, I know plenty of people who will look in the mirror, see no change and feel completely disappointed that they can't see this apparently amazing change that people are commenting on day in, day out. It starts to mess with your head a bit and all you need is a bad day and a bad angle in the mirror to make you feel like it's all been for nothing. It really just is a case of the change being so gradual on you, the person who lives inside your body, that you can't see it as easily as everybody else. Now, I don't know this for sure-maybe I actually have a case of body dysmorphic disorder..who knows- but there has to come a point where you see a truly visible, dramatic change. It's just a case of trucking long enough to see it.