Plus-sized fitness

Today, I decided that I am going to run the marathon. Not in 2014 but in 2015...I think that's enough time. As fitness plays such an important part in overall fitness it seems only natural that I write about this here. As an overweight woman I have always struggled with the concept of exercise.

As a child I never developed a liking of exercise and always thought that I was the butt of all jokes and ridicule because my lack of proficiency. It was only when I was 18, and came back to ballet classes, that I developed any real love of a fitness activity. Six months in and my fitness was amazing and whilst I was still only losing 1 or 2 lbs a week my body was strong and had definition and my general level of fitness was a million times better than before. As with many things, life got in the way. I had a new boyfriend, a new job and less free time to spare on my favourite activity. When I eventually went back months later my fitness had deteriorated so much that I didn't go back again because I was so upset that I'd allowed myself to fall so far backwards. Talk about cutting off your nose to spite your face.

Going to a gym is a complete nightmare. I always feel that I'm being judged by the fitter individuals whose bodies are more capable than mine. Finding fitness clothing or accessories (such as arm bands) is problematic to say the least. Fitness clothing is made for 'normal' people and the plus sized stuff is anything but attractive. Even finding comfortable footwear is a problem when you have wider feet than the standard foot. Tonight my friend Piers asked me about what I do for swimwear. Enter a long winded discussion of why I detest going swimming because I'm on show more than any other activity. I love swimming but hate being the odd one out in the group which is a shame because it's so good for you, especially when you need to preserve your joints.

There are activities which I simply feel I am too heavy to do, such as military fitness groups or martial arts where I feel like I could injure someone else. I've been told repeatedly that many of these worries are unfounded but it's still a thought at the back of your head when you take up activities. I even held off starting ballet until I'd lost a fair amount of weight because I thought I'd be so completely out of place. What's more annoying is the activities which I actually AM too heavy to engage in. I was an avid horse rider from the age of 5-13 but slowly got weaned off because I was growing too heavy for the horses. I love animals and any activity which can involve them is wonderful for me. However, as it stands I need to get down to about 15 stone in order to safely ride a horse again. When that point comes there will be no stopping me. Further to this, certain rock climbing and diving courses won't enrol an overweight person. Rock climbing is something I've always been terrible at but wish I could at least get to the point where I can comfortably climb as an activity and diving is something that has always intrigued me. The fact that my weight is holding me back drives me absolutely insane.

As a result of all of these things, my current level of fitness is not that great. My house-mate Andy has been brought in as personal trainer and I feel things coming on slowly. Today Piers, Lucy, Maddy and I all took turns working on assisted pull ups on the machine near our halls. We've been doing this for just under a week and today I just about managed to do an (unassisted) assisted pull up. This is a huge achievement for me as even a week ago I couldn't imagine pulling up my own body weight. The target is simply to get better over time. I want simply to be at the point where I can run without worrying constantly about injury. Last week I bought the shoes and finally, since the weather's been so nice, today I stopped putting it off and went for a walk/jog/run thing. As a person who lives in fear of things getting too difficult when it once was far easier, the only solution is to start something and not stop doing it. This is the line I drew in the sand today. Today I make the promise to myself that I will never again have to think 'I can't believe my fitness has gotten so bad in X weeks/months' because I simply can no longer allow myself to stop doing it. The hope being that if I get to the point of actually enjoying these activities, these will be the things that keep me going when I'm having a hard week and will ultimately make the greatest impact to my appearance.

And so, I am going to go and watch "Run, Fatboy. Run" and plan my programme to future marathon runner/ 'tough guy' attempter and think of all of the wonderful things that I'll be able to do further down the line.