Saturday 24 August 2013

What will you gain?

The past few days I've been musing about the things that I have gained whilst I've been losing weight. This was brought up in my meeting on Wednesday and my leader, Sue, asked me what a difference losing 2 and a half stone has meant to my life. (Yes, in case anyone didn't get the memo, I've lost 2.5 stone, 35 lbs, 15.8757 kg. 15 lbs till 50 lbs and nearly halfway to my wall...the dreaded 75 lbs...EEK) Anyway...I sat there for a moment ruminating on what she'd just ask me. I feel different, certainly, but how do I sum that up without making it sound like I was completely unhappy before? You see, I've realised that whilst I certainly CAN and AM happy as a bigger woman, it takes losing some weight to remember that this doesn't change the fact that I'm happier slimmer. This doesn't mean that I look in the mirror and hate myself but equally doesn't mean that I am content to simply 'stay' somewhere. And this is particularly important now that I've remembered this truth. I'm happy both ways, one simply brings more happiness than the other and that is fine. This is why I'm going to keep that number going down. 

After I sat there thinking, for what felt like minutes-in reality only seconds, I answered that I have more energy now and promptly left it at that. I didn't go into the fact that I feel proud to have achieved this much, that I'm over the moon that my boots (the devil shoes that once needed two people to put on) are now too large around my calfs or that I'm finally too small for my jeans (and when I say too small, I mean I'm only just NOT falling out of them). Nor did I go into the small, but incredibly important ways, in which my life has changed. I eat 'mindfully' now. I believe that the William Morris quote can be reworded to say 'never eat something that you do not know to be useful (healthy) or believe to be truly beautiful (yummy)'. If my food doesn't go in those two sections I don't eat it and even then I still stop and think about how much I want this over that. In short I've taken back the control of my choice. Ultimately, this is one of the things I love the most about the transformation so far. I've taken back control of an important part of my life. One that can only be very slightly impacted by outside forces and others around me. What I put into and get out of my body are down to me, and I love that I now know what that means.

One of the guys in the meeting picked up on my singular 'more energy' comment and added how much more energy he has to 'DO' things and this is yet another important transformation. I exercise now. A lot. I'm active now. A lot. Most importantly, I've realised that I love to be active and do exercise. Do I still have a wobbly now and then when watching the same old nothing on the TV beckons me to put away my running shoes and plant my arse for the next 12 hours? Yes, but I almost never give in...Almost never, I AM human after all. But, some achievements in my physical activity:

I swim between 60 and 80 lengths in an hour
I began this journey running a kilometre in over 8 minutes, I now have a PB of 4:45
I can do pull ups
I can (and do) use a TRX system
I can hold a plank for well over a minute
I can row 1000m in 4:41 and 1500 in 7:36
I can benchpress 30 kg
I can squat 20 kg

Do I believe that I would be incapable of doing these things had I not lost the weight? No. Truth is I believe that had I had the motivation I would eventually have gotten where I am now and would still be making improvements week in, week out. What the weight loss has given me IS the motivation. And that is what I was SORELY lacking in. Every session I look for progress in something, even if it's just something 'feeling' better. The weight loss (and the pain of the first training session) made me want to be fitter and becoming fitter has made me strive for health. I think more about 'nourishing' my body with healthy and filling foods and the weight loss still comes as a happy reward for looking after my body.

In short, this IS the 'lifestyle change' that people are constantly talking about as a method of losing weight. Is it always easy, hell no (Jemma, I still hate the summit trainer...we're getting there, only slooooooowly) and sometimes I still do have the temptation to eat the entire world's allotment of cheese but then I think of how far I've come and all of the good habits I'm embracing, creating pathways in my brain which make it easier and easier to continue thee habits in the future. The clearest sign that I've made serious physical and mental changes came around my birthday. The menu, was the single healthiest party menu I've ever planned and when I went overboard with the sweet stuff associated with birthdays -cake, sweeties etc. I paid the price the next day. I felt sick as a reminder that my body has changed and rather than feeling annoyed or upset that I'd 'done this' to my body, I was glad to know that my body has been altered enough for this to be noticeable where before it would barely have been a blip on my radar. It can hurt now, but I'm creating a healthier future with every decision I make today.

5 comments:

  1. Go Flo! I was looking at a picture I have of you on my phone and realised I'm going to have to update it soon - you're looking really different nowadays. Also, you need to vanquish the summit trainer!

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  2. As always, I'm terribly proud of you. Your resolve is amazing. I don't know if people realise how much you've changed and how fit you've become. Your new muscles are really quite impressive.

    Keep going! Love, Mum

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  3. "I can do pull ups"

    If you mean deadhang, non-kipped pull ups, then that's really really impressive, congrats Flo!

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  4. i look forward to tough mudder even if my mother does not, keep it up i don't want to have to go alone flo, i will need someone to pull me through!

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  5. And to think that you weren't set on tough mudder in the beginning! I'll get a good team together, I'll have the leverage of saying 'well I lost 14 stone...and am doing it. Now you have to!' Mwahahahaah

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