Another update and some musings.

It's been a while since I wrote, again everything's been crazy busy and then my laptop decided to have a nervous breakdown. As such, there hasn't been an update or myth buster or anything in five days.

So, an update. I am at home with my parents for the week as my Aunt is visiting from America. This means that I couldn't go to my normal meeting in Bristol and had to go back to my old meeting on Wednesday in Buckinghamshire. As I've said before, going to meetings absolutely keeps me in control and in the weeks, like this one, where you don't feel great they're even more important. That being said, I won't lie, I went in there looking forward to seeing my previous leader's face given that I've lost the better part of a stone since I last saw her a month ago. Big grins all around and we got down to the conversation of how I've been doing, how my perceptions of weight watchers at university may have changed and some goals. I told her that I had a feeling I hadn't done too well. I've been having cravings for sweet food late at night recently so I've had several days where late night snacks of weight watchers chocolate bars have featured heavily. We both agreed, only the scale with tell. On I got. Four pounds off. Now, I am not often speechless, but this is the second week in a row where I got on the scale thinking 'I'll be lucky if I lost a pound'. Never in my wildest dreams did I think that I'd lose the three pounds needed to have lost 5% of my starting body weight, let alone another one just cus. Out came the congratulations certificate and the 5% sticker on my card. I wandered around with a stupid grin on my face as I settled in for the meeting.

Now, for those of you who have never attended a weight watchers meeting, here's a secret. It's actually some sort of masonic secret society...I kid. First the leader told us all how much we had collectively lost and gained and after that we start talking about individual accomplishments. The spot light landed on me. Everybody wanted to know how I had managed to continue my weight loss, and so well, at university. To be honest I want to know I've managed to do that. I still find myself so uncertain of whether I'm right or not when tracking food. I still worry that my takeaway portion is more than would be listed in the book and there will always be some pressure, whether real or imagined, that I should be socializing avec alcohol et al. And yet I go into meetings and I've lost.

It's only now that I think back over how much I've lost that I truly realise the result. My clothes are much looser, I can do unassisted- assisted pull ups and I have far more energy. I just feel better. That's not to say that I spent all of my time before hand feeling terrible about myself but there is a marked difference in how much energy and drive I have which I was lacking in previously. I dance in the kitchen again, and I haven't really done that since my ballet days all those years ago. I spend far too much time obsessively feeling my collar bones being revealed and there are muscles being revealed from underneath the layer of fat that I haven't seen or felt in a long time. I have even found a ball dress...which will probably be too big for me by the time the ball comes around, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

My goal table, with the first 4 crossed off

This post doesn't really have any structure or any point, it's just a case of looking at the things you've achieved in bite sized chunks. My goals, whilst still a while away, seem that much closer and more attainable. This for me is the best point in losing weight. I have energy and all the drive in the world to continue. And ultimately, this is the purpose of these kinds of posts. These exist for the points later on when the drive is practically non-existent and you just want to be able to go out for a meal or a drink without planning your entire day around it. It takes time and is a rollercoaster, but as with all things you can't appreciate the highs or the end results if you don't have those low moments. It's just a case of keeping the momentum going.